Jacqueline's Cancer Journey

It's been a minute since I've written and I apologize. I have had my last 2 taxol treatments, which went smoothly with the same side effects I've been experiencing. I thought I'd ring a bell on my last treatment, but that didn't happen. When I went back for my followup MRI, I told the gals that I was sad they didn't have a bell. They were like, "We have a bell and you're going to ring it!" So I had my celebration a few days after my last treatment. It was still touching and emotional for me. So the MRI results were good, yet not great. I will know more in a few days when I talk to the surgeon about the exact surgery I'm going to get- lumpectomy or mastectomy. It's been a bit emotional for me. I really expected the cancer to be gone after chemo, but that isn't how it worked. The tumor was smaller so that's good especially considering that the type of TNBC I have is aggressive and fast growing. I felt like for the hell that chemo is, ...

 I was prescribed Gabapentin for the nerve pain during the second treatment. My doc is also concerned about permanent nerve damage and we may reduce the dose or discontinue treatment if my symptoms worsen. I had my second Taxol treatment on 11/11. It went well and was much more efficient than the last time. I was looking forward to the possibility of less pain, and I was happily surprised. I still had zinging in my limbs, but there was very little pain. Recovery time seems to be taking a bit longer. My body is tired often, and I enjoy my regular rests and naps. It's hard to believe that it's almost the end of November and chemo started at the end of August. Treatment number 3 in round 2 is the day after Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was a small family meal followed by pie and games. Our latest favorite is Sequence a card/board game. I am not as apprehensive about my next treatment, which is very nice. I am still taking the Gabapentin and hope it continues to help with the pain.

I know it's been a minute.  I enjoyed my time off and probably did too much. It felt so good to catch up with people, work and house things. I had my first Taxol treatment on 10/28. It took almost 7 hours between blood draws, dr meetings and the infusion. It was a long day. At first I felt fine, which is normal for me.  Saturday morning I woke up with a red face-like I had a sunburn. I taught and all seemed ok. After my Neulasta (immuno-booster)  shot went off on Saturday afternoon, things started to change. Sunday, Monday and most of Tuesday, I felt the worst I have felt throughout my chemo. My body ached all over and it was as if I didn't have total control over my muscles and body. The only place I felt some relief was in a warm bath. I cried a bit and felt like I wouldn't be able to survive. I found myself not wanting to reach out to people because I felt so horribly. Afterwards, I realized that those might be the times that I really need to reach out. Tuesday was the...

 I must admit that the last week has been a bit of a challenge. Even though fatigue has been my greatest challenge thus far, the added anemia through in a whole new dimension. The high doses of Iron seem to be helping and not causing a lot of havoc with my digestion as I was warned about.  I am enjoying my time off- a sleepover with the gals, good food, a family dinner, pickle ball, yoga, gentle hikes in the mountains, meeting with clients, writing, reading an awesome book (The Book of Longings by Sue Monk Kidd), it feels so good and almost normal. I have been sad when I haven't been able to read or focus or even follow directions. I even ventured out in nature with a friend to take some headshots with my bald self. I'd like to say it wasn't vanity, but there has been some hesitancy to be around people, in person and on zoom, with my bald head. My long hair has been such a big part of me for so long. This week I get vaccinations (Covid and flu) this week and am hoping I don...

 Woot! On 10/7/2022 I completed my 4th and final AC treatment and I'm very excited. The treatment went well. My biggest challenge  is still fatigue possibly enhanced by the fact that I am anemic. I have enough Iron in my body, yet because of the state of my red blood cells, the iron is not begin transferred and used. I have this clear liquid that comes out of my nose unexpectedly and found out that it's because my nose hair are gone. Such a small thing that I didn't consider. I am continually grateful for all the kind words, cards, food, gifts, prayers, time and energy and as far as the juices go, because of my flavor changes I have 2 gotos--Local Love (predominantly beet juice and their carrot and ginger raw soup). My cravings remind me of pregnancy where some days some things are appealing and other days not so much.  I have been falling a sleep really early and therefore now waking up WAY too early. I am hoping to correct this during my mini-break . Now I have 3 weeks ...

I love finding a card in the mail or a cute emoji or meme in a text or email. Thank you. I have saved them all and look back on them in moments of overwhelm or sadness. If I have not thanked you personally, know from my heart that I am. Sitting in the backyard drinking my tea, listening to birds, looking at our big pumpkin helps me to feel present and grounded. I love the cooler weather especially since my body temperature fluctuates a lot.  I had an echo cardiogram before my treatment to check on my heart, and my blood flow has increased since starting treatment. My cholesterol has also dropped 70 points.  My 3rd treatment went well and was somewhat faster than the last 2. Only one more treatment with these magic potions. My friend Marga assisted me and took me around to stores I never get to on my own. She also brought me this magical oil from the Earth's Cauldron on Etsy. While it's good for my body, it feels like it works on a soul level. It's really good for my spirit ...

Well I guess I was a little too real in my last post. I received a number of texts, calls etc about how I was. I have 4-5 very low energy days directly after treatment, then I start to feel better. The key in week two is to not overdo things because I am feeling good and didn't get anything done during week one except to focus on healing, eating and resting. I felt almost normal this week and was able to get many things done. I am grateful to all of you holding me-energetically, spiritually, and physically through your prayers, candles, cards, gifts, food, cash for juice, etc. I truly feel this is why this process has not overwhelmed me. My hair is almost gone and I have to pay attention to how I use my energy and to stay away from germs. I'm excited for the cooler weather and looking forward to wearing my hand-knitted hat from Susan B.

 Phew! This was a rough one. Treatment went as planned. I taught yoga Saturday morning. Then my Neulasta shot and then...listen for JAWS music, it hits. The extreme fatigue and being completely uncomfortable in my body. The only things I can do is eat, drink, and sleep. Conversation is challenging, coming up with words-uhh, reading next to impossible, even watching TV is not easy. I don't want to complain, and it really sucked. I messaged the dr because it was so much more intense than the first time, I thought maybe something was wrong. Nurse Jen, whom I really like, responded fairly quickly and let me know that was expected. Most people have intense fatigue for a full week so I'm doing well with only 5 days of it. When Thursday rolled around, I was able to do most things-like pickle ball, cooking, laundry and responding to email. On days when I move my body enough to sweat, I feel better even though it takes its energetic toll. Friday, I feel human once more--almost like I am...

 9/9/2022 I was a little nervous preparing for Chemo #2. Would it be harder, would my symptoms be better or worse? After my blood draw, I met with my oncologist. my blood work looked great and we discussed changing my chemo plan. Now we will do 4 rounds of AC every two weeks (2 of which are complete), take 2 weeks off, and then 4 rounds of T every two weeks. The potency of the 2nd 4 will be greater, yet 4 treatments sound much better to me than 12. So yay!  What's exciting and interesting to me is the willingness and flexibility of the doctor to meet my needs according to how my body/mind/spirit are dealing with the treatment. They (dr and nurse) were happy with how I moved my body (yoga, teaching, pickle ball and biking) and how few symptoms I had. The fatigue was incredibly debilitating, the brain fog was unsettling and my fluctuating body temperature was uncomfortable. I went into my treatment prepared and calm especially after receiving my awesome news of fewer treatments....

 9/2-8/2022 The second week after chemo was much gentler on me than the first. My digestion is back to normal and I am still tired often. Rest is definitely the best healing tool. I was able to do all that I set out to do as long as I allowed the rest needed in between activities including pickle ball, short bike rides, in person visits. Pacing: Eat/rest, teach/rest, move my body/rest. My schedule is limited-I allow myself 2 activities per day. During the second week I was able to add in a few more things-cooking, cleaning, and communicating. I was able to drive after the first 4 days including my car and scooter. I do wear my mask any time in public and as friends and family to mask up if they have been around others. If feeling at all sick, please don't come near me. I didn't need any of the extra prescriptions I was given. Though I did use my newly garnered Utah Marijuana License. I found the pharmacist there very helpful in choosing products useful for chemo symptoms withou...

  8/27-9/1/2022 The week after chemo treatment was challenging and yet I felt better than I expected to. I woke up Saturday, 8/27 after treatment. My head was cloudy and yet I felt okay. I taught yoga though I did not feel safe to drive so Cheney drove me to the college where I teach. My main symptoms: burning scalp, cloudy head, extreme fatigue, hot flashes (which I never experienced during menopause), a metallic taste in my mouth and a headache, which includes a lot of pressure at the base of my occiput. Around 3:30 pm my Neulasta shot went off (I talked about this in the last post). This is an immuno-boosting miracle really. The most common side effect for this shot is bone pain. I was told to take Claritin if it occurred. I chose to take the Claritin before the shot went off as a preventative. I was able to eat regularly and find that eating smaller meals more often to be helpful. It is imperative to drink a minimum of 80 oz of liquid to flush out the toxic part of my magic pot...

 8/26/2022 Treatment begins I arrive at the SugarHouse location of Huntsman, which is beautiful and clean at 8:20 am.  8:30 am It starts with vitals: height/weight/BP. I usually refuse to be weighed, but they won't do treatment without it.  Treatment begins with accessing my port, cleansing it and drawing blood to test to make sure my baselines are good before we begin. The results are back quickly and mine look good--blood cell counts, protein, liver function, etc. Now they can order my magic potions. The infusion room is 12 areas separated by curtains. There is privacy and you can hear everything going on in the room. 9:30 am Nurse Betty, begins giving me saline, a steroid and some other potions for anti-nausea. 10 am My first chemo potion is infused. It comes in 3 large syringes. The liquid is red-this drug is nicknamed the "red devil;" it's real name is Adriamycin. From the beginning of the infusion, I have a funny taste/smell-kind of metallic, kind of odd. Nurse ...

 I've been staying active with yoga and pickle ball as I am trying to prepare mind, body and spirit for this new journey. Fitting in as many clients as I can, cleaning, cooking, connecting. Over dinner with my guys, I declare that I will shave my head. Ethan says he will do it too and then Aaron says the same. I am humbled that the want to support me like that-even if they change their minds day of. I decide to invite a few others eat and join in. I ask my friend Inkyu, who's a hairdresser, to come over to shave our heads the night before chemo begins. It was a joyous and slightly teary event for me. I was supposed to go last, but after Ethan had his buzzed, I knew I had to go next and not change my mind. The hardest part was having the braid (for donation) clipped. I enjoyed the massage-like sensation of the clippers on my scalp. I felt so loved and supported. And I appreciate all the texts, cards, donations and supportive comments.

 8/16-20/2022 My sister and I planned a trip to Las Vegas before my diagnosis. I wasn't sure if we would still be able to go, and they worked my chemo schedule around the trip. It was so needed on all levels and for both of us. We ate well, slept well, went to the hot tub and pool each day and spent some time on the strip, seeing shows and walking around.  There were many laughs and a few tears. Being with people who feel like home is important to me now and always.

 8/12/2022 Met with my oncologist for the second time. Confirmed my chemo treatment, my health and received a bunch of prescriptions to help me through chemo. I am glad that they worked with me and my schedule so I could still go on vacation with my sister, Jennifer, to Las Vegas for 5 days of relaxation and fun. My treatments are scheduled to begin 8/26. My teaching job at the college starts on 8/23 so I'll meet my students before chemo starts. One of the biggest challenges during chemo is that my immune system will be low at certain times and being around germs is not good for me. My mental state is good most of the time. I have bouts of tearing up. The anger has mostly passed. People are asking me what I need, and it's challenging because I don't know. I have time to prepare physically and mentally AND I just don't know how I will feel and what I will be able to do. I've been doing yoga for over 30 years and I have been sober for over 30 years. I've done lots...

 8/4/2022 Today I had an echo cardiogram. It was really cool to see my heart in action via ultra sound. They do this test to make sure that the heart is strong enough to withstand the chemotherapy drugs.  I was initially calling the chemo drugs poisons. A friend suggested I try the word potions and so yes, now they are my magic potions. My results were mostly normal. There was one thing that needs to be checked out so I'll see the cardio-oncologist (the heart/cancer doctor). For someone who has been healthy for most of their adult life, this has been an interesting fact-finding mission about my body. 8/5/2022 Met with a nutritionist from the cancer center to look at my eating habits and what I need to change during treatment. I was not surprised that she was happy with my diet. Every place I've looked, people talk about a plant-based diet for prevention of cancer and overall wellness. I've been doing a plant-based diet most of my life. She was unfamiliar with some of the su...

 8/1/2022 One of the things that's interesting is that I feel physically healthy. My mind has been reeling and I am so grateful for the skills I've developed over the years. I don't know where I'd be without them-breathing, meditation, movement and especially chanting. My teacher recorded a meditation for me because I've been struggling to settle my mind. It's really helping. Today at had an acupuncture session, which was also helpful for quieting my mind. The most challenging part was finding a parking place. I finally had to do the free valet. Sleep has been more challenging because of my busy mind. I'm hoping acupuncture will help with that. I have been baking a lot of muffins and freezing them for myself and for my family. I am feeling so supported by friends and family. I truly feel held. 8/3/2022 We drive to Farmington (40 min away) for me to have my port surgically placed. At first I was concerned about going to a different center, yet I found it new ...

This is my journal for my journey through Triple Negative Breast Cancer.  The plan is to share details to inform family and friends and to help others who may travel this journey. I don't know what I'll write yet so know that it could get emotional, well, because my emotions have been all over the place and there might be what some might consider TMI, yet I feel like there's so much that I'm learning that I didn't know even though I am a health/science/sexuality educator and well-informed and went through this journey with others in my life-most survived, some did not. I also know that I am a white passing woman with really good insurance, I speak English well, I am educated, and I have medical professions in my family. I have my own business and have a lot of flexibility in my schedule. I also have money in the bank to pay the numerous co-pays. And I have people around me to help support me emotionally, spiritually and physically through this process. 6/21/2022 Yea...